Things are going about as well as can be expected. Final Fantasy XII has been proceeding apace when I have time and brainpower to devote to it, and it's still a blast.
When I have neither, however, I've been mostly thinking about how RPGs (especially JRPGs) have changed and evolved. I know the whole process has been beaten to death, subjected to Life2/Arise and then beaten again repeatedly, but the Dork Side demands incessant rehash and regurgitation before one can actually reflect on things like this.
I wandered about the internet, looking at old fansites and such about things like Chrono Trigger and Final Fantasy VI and gripes about 'ruinous' stuff that came along with the Playstation 2 forward. I've always accepted the axiom that maturity is for the weak among us nerds, but I rarely encounter such incessant, one-note whining outside of work. There is honest-yet-incisive criticism, and there is bitching. I keep encountering the latter.
I still find it, well, jarring that supposedly more 'casual' and 'bro-tard' fare produces intelligent (profane, troll-bait, but intelligent) discussions while 'hardcore, thinking' games provoke screeds upon screeds of mangled, vapid chat room yammering pretending to be wiki articles and FAQs. It's not that RPGs magically started sucking right before FFVIII hit shelves and have been in some sort of developmental stasis. It's more like the RPG fandom has inexplicably stopped aging at age 12-15 at or around the same time and has been slowly regressing ever since.
Damn, sorry about the soap box; it's made out of cheap pine so we can stand around and warm ourselves later. The point I was trying to make is that RPGs have always been flawed since the beginning, like everything else of mortal existence, but sometime around the aforementioned FFVIII release all we seem to acknowledge is the flaws.
We've forgetten that no game is perfect, and there is some merit to being able to look past problems in our toys and remember that they are toys. They are something to play around have fun with. Yes, a lot of them have some serious flaws, some of them very tragic flaws. Yes, most of the dedicated RPG fandom has aged out of the target demographic. But who the hell cares? The from 16-bit consoles to the PS2, RPGs enjoyed a golden age. Such an age will likely never come again, and we need to remember that, and actually enjoy the geeky bounty we were given. We are nerds, and it is time to actually be nerds for once. Celebrate these gems. Talk about them like we actually know what we're talking about. Update the articles and wikis and FAQs (but archive the old stuff, they're great sources of lulz and catharsis--betcha you never so those words in the same sentence). These are the games we've embraced, and we need to proclaim that again. And stop being so funereal about our favorites.
Okay, its out of my system now.
Showing posts with label brain barf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brain barf. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Monday, November 7, 2016
Regeneration Mechanic
Well, I'm still plodding along in Tales of Symphonia. I still can't claim to have great strides in the game so far. I finally laid the smackdown on the Asgard Human Ranch. Rather than a place for Skyrim vampires to hang out and do bad things to Nords, it's a place where half-elf supremacists hang out and turn people into Soul Stones/Magicite/Cupcakes. Just to make sure you know this place is over-the-top evil, the lunatic running the place (Kvar) is pretty much what you'd get if Grand Moff Tarkin decided to be a DBZ character. I'm not making this up.
I'm still very unclear on how the whole "World Regeneration" quest is supposed to get rid of all these freaks. Even (SPOILER!) with the whole world being split in twain deal going on, I don't see much evidence of regeneration even chasing them off to the other side (end SPOILER). The only thing that makes even the least bit of sense is that they're going to update to Fourth Edition D&D rules, so they're stockpiling grimdark power-ups to take on the hordes of Dragonborn CoDzillas that are about to along. Why play anime Tanis when you can be big badass dragonman?
Oh crap I just had a bad idea. Screw half-elf supremacists, I can do one better.
Kender supremacists! In a world where even JRPG logic gets drunk and passes out in a gutter (next to his buddy cop show logic), kender were merely an irritant. Then it got worse; a foolish group of magic users undertook the impossible task of making kender likable!
Their well-meaning but depraved rituals misfired. None now live that can show the truth of the matter; there are whispers of a potion known as 'Dew of the Mountain Original Formula,' a cartographer known as 'Dora,' and a conclave of dread beings named 'the Gwar.' Perhaps a friendly purple lizard-man, perhaps a collection of used gym socks soaked in bad soy sauce. It does not matter.
It does not matter! These changed kinder have now banded together, unleashing a tide of violence and oppression rarely seen outside of gaming fora. After toppling the seats of government (literally, they stole load-bearing members of relevant castles and suchlike), they subjected leaders and prominent figures to humiliating hoopak-whackings. Those who begged for mercy were named "Squeaky Toys" and herded into ramshackle arenas to fight bizarre plushie golems. The rest of the people are now subject to horrors like drivebys (being kender, just a wagon tearing down the street making racket with hoopaks) and rampant caffeine-driven kleptomania. Artisans and craftsman are now stuck in sweatshops where they are forced to make all manner of random objects. Those who will not or cannot comply are made Squeaky Toys.
Now, a group of brave adventurers must sally forth and infiltrate the kender's mighty treetop fortresses, where none have entered and returned alive with their pants still on. Kender like belt buckles. If these heroes should fail, the Five Grand Cockatiels will lead us all to fates dark and unpleasant, as decreed by the dread being known as Jar-Jar. Seriously, everyone will have embarrassing rashes and be flung into wading pools filled with tapioca.
The heroes will have help. A resistance group formed from disgruntled Firefly fans are seeking the Chosen One, who shall be granted the power of the Ultimate Splatbook, journey to the five remaining good Huddle Houses and gain the power to cover kender in Nyquil.
Are you a bad enough dude to tranq Jar-Jar, defeat the kender hordes, and save pockets and armoires everywhere?
I'm still very unclear on how the whole "World Regeneration" quest is supposed to get rid of all these freaks. Even (SPOILER!) with the whole world being split in twain deal going on, I don't see much evidence of regeneration even chasing them off to the other side (end SPOILER). The only thing that makes even the least bit of sense is that they're going to update to Fourth Edition D&D rules, so they're stockpiling grimdark power-ups to take on the hordes of Dragonborn CoDzillas that are about to along. Why play anime Tanis when you can be big badass dragonman?
Oh crap I just had a bad idea. Screw half-elf supremacists, I can do one better.
Kender supremacists! In a world where even JRPG logic gets drunk and passes out in a gutter (next to his buddy cop show logic), kender were merely an irritant. Then it got worse; a foolish group of magic users undertook the impossible task of making kender likable!
Their well-meaning but depraved rituals misfired. None now live that can show the truth of the matter; there are whispers of a potion known as 'Dew of the Mountain Original Formula,' a cartographer known as 'Dora,' and a conclave of dread beings named 'the Gwar.' Perhaps a friendly purple lizard-man, perhaps a collection of used gym socks soaked in bad soy sauce. It does not matter.
It does not matter! These changed kinder have now banded together, unleashing a tide of violence and oppression rarely seen outside of gaming fora. After toppling the seats of government (literally, they stole load-bearing members of relevant castles and suchlike), they subjected leaders and prominent figures to humiliating hoopak-whackings. Those who begged for mercy were named "Squeaky Toys" and herded into ramshackle arenas to fight bizarre plushie golems. The rest of the people are now subject to horrors like drivebys (being kender, just a wagon tearing down the street making racket with hoopaks) and rampant caffeine-driven kleptomania. Artisans and craftsman are now stuck in sweatshops where they are forced to make all manner of random objects. Those who will not or cannot comply are made Squeaky Toys.
Now, a group of brave adventurers must sally forth and infiltrate the kender's mighty treetop fortresses, where none have entered and returned alive with their pants still on. Kender like belt buckles. If these heroes should fail, the Five Grand Cockatiels will lead us all to fates dark and unpleasant, as decreed by the dread being known as Jar-Jar. Seriously, everyone will have embarrassing rashes and be flung into wading pools filled with tapioca.
The heroes will have help. A resistance group formed from disgruntled Firefly fans are seeking the Chosen One, who shall be granted the power of the Ultimate Splatbook, journey to the five remaining good Huddle Houses and gain the power to cover kender in Nyquil.
Are you a bad enough dude to tranq Jar-Jar, defeat the kender hordes, and save pockets and armoires everywhere?
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Congratulations, EA
You have achieved a new status today, "The Shin-Ra of Gaming." Forcing me to sit there and do nothing but wait for and installs and updates on a fucking console game (from the damn disc) for two hours is a new one. I avoid PC games because of crap like that, thanks very much. May white-haired bishies with Oedipal Complexes figure BIG in your future.
Still better than Disney, AKA "The Hyperion of Entertainment." I keep waiting for them to buy the moon and go full crazy tyrant on us.
By the way, a Shin-Ra/Hyperion merger would be terrifying and crazy damn awesome.
Still better than Disney, AKA "The Hyperion of Entertainment." I keep waiting for them to buy the moon and go full crazy tyrant on us.
By the way, a Shin-Ra/Hyperion merger would be terrifying and crazy damn awesome.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Moonstruck Brain Barf
HaHA, you spambots will never be rid of me!
Been tearing about on Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. I'll talk about that later, mostly because I'm pretty frustrated with the game. Whoever did the vehicles probably did programming work for Battletoads' Level 3. Thanks a lot for making moon buggies suck.
In other vidya game news, I've also gotten my hands on Shining Force EXA, better known as "Sega Really Wanted To Make Diablo." It's actually pretty damn fun, and has a distinction of being challenging in a fun way, which I haven't run into lately.
It's actually kind of weird. Both games have a habit of randomly kicking my ass, they go about in different ways. Borderlands PS really comes across as trying to steal Dark Souls fans. I'm hoping it gets better down the line. 2 could be really damn hard at some points, too. And to be fair, this shit is still awesomesauce. LASER SHOTGUNS! YOU'RE WELCOME!
Shining Force here, when I die, I know I screwed up. I can go back and do the right thing (or grind) and I just jump aboard the train to PwnVille. Oh and you can smack things with spellbooks. I don't mean use the spellbook to burninate things (though you can do that too), I mean physically beat people with metaphysical literature.
Dammit, now I want to watch...oh...Raistlin and Snape whack the hell out of some Twilight characters now. Preferably with copies of The Simarillion. With Yakety Sax blaring in the background.
Oh, and I'm planning on writing a semi-intelligent post on a semi-serious topic. It will be entitled "Metallurgy, Mineralogy, and Monster-Mashing."
Been tearing about on Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. I'll talk about that later, mostly because I'm pretty frustrated with the game. Whoever did the vehicles probably did programming work for Battletoads' Level 3. Thanks a lot for making moon buggies suck.
In other vidya game news, I've also gotten my hands on Shining Force EXA, better known as "Sega Really Wanted To Make Diablo." It's actually pretty damn fun, and has a distinction of being challenging in a fun way, which I haven't run into lately.
It's actually kind of weird. Both games have a habit of randomly kicking my ass, they go about in different ways. Borderlands PS really comes across as trying to steal Dark Souls fans. I'm hoping it gets better down the line. 2 could be really damn hard at some points, too. And to be fair, this shit is still awesomesauce. LASER SHOTGUNS! YOU'RE WELCOME!
Shining Force here, when I die, I know I screwed up. I can go back and do the right thing (or grind) and I just jump aboard the train to PwnVille. Oh and you can smack things with spellbooks. I don't mean use the spellbook to burninate things (though you can do that too), I mean physically beat people with metaphysical literature.
Dammit, now I want to watch...oh...Raistlin and Snape whack the hell out of some Twilight characters now. Preferably with copies of The Simarillion. With Yakety Sax blaring in the background.
Oh, and I'm planning on writing a semi-intelligent post on a semi-serious topic. It will be entitled "Metallurgy, Mineralogy, and Monster-Mashing."
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Brain Barf
Blarg-a-rant!
I've decided to get off my ass and make a list of Star Wars lines that can be improved with the word 'pants'. I saw a short list of such things a long time ago on an old SWCCG trading site, but never encountered another one, so I throwing them back out there with some additions. They will be a fairly random bunch, and probably far from exhaustive.
Original Trilogy:
"Han will have those pants down, we got to give him more time."
"That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!"
"The pants are ray-shielded, so you'll have use proton torpedoes."
"Those pants better be back up by midday, or there'll be hell to pay."
"Luke...help me take...these pants off."
"In his pants you will find a new meaning for pain and suffering..."
"Judge me by my pants, do you?"
Prequel Trilogy:
"All last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will drop our pants."
"No money, no pants, no deal!"
"Your pants will make a fine addition to my collection."
"There's pants here, unless you brought them with you."
"His pants were a necessary loss. Soon I will have a new apprentice, one far younger..."
"Not victory, Obi-Wan. The pants of the dark side have fallen."
I've decided to get off my ass and make a list of Star Wars lines that can be improved with the word 'pants'. I saw a short list of such things a long time ago on an old SWCCG trading site, but never encountered another one, so I throwing them back out there with some additions. They will be a fairly random bunch, and probably far from exhaustive.
Original Trilogy:
"Han will have those pants down, we got to give him more time."
"That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!"
"The pants are ray-shielded, so you'll have use proton torpedoes."
"Those pants better be back up by midday, or there'll be hell to pay."
"Luke...help me take...these pants off."
"In his pants you will find a new meaning for pain and suffering..."
"Judge me by my pants, do you?"
Prequel Trilogy:
"All last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will drop our pants."
"No money, no pants, no deal!"
"Your pants will make a fine addition to my collection."
"There's pants here, unless you brought them with you."
"His pants were a necessary loss. Soon I will have a new apprentice, one far younger..."
"Not victory, Obi-Wan. The pants of the dark side have fallen."
Monday, December 22, 2014
Brain Barf
Blarg and hail to the spambots! Thanks for letting me pretend this shit gets attention.
Things are ok. Most of my IRL friends have gone into hermitage; don't even want to play video games. I wish I could blow money on game service I don't use like that.
Somebody brought boxes of red velvet doughnuts to work last week. o.O Damn things were...suggestive. Think actual raw-flesh-colored doughnuts. And yes, some came with frosting.
Damn I actually typed that last sentence.
Did not eat the damn things, though.
Also been tearing my way through Final Fantasy V. The bad guy is a tree (!) and the good guys are freaking morons. The plot feels like somebody decided to stick a Power Rangers plot into Final Fantasy. I love every minute of it anyway. I don't think I've ever run into anything else where characters commute via frickin' meteors! Maybe the Tunguska Event was really some dumbass from Mars taking a wrong turn trying to get to Europa. Same thing with what killed the dinosaurs.
Well damn, We just made stupidity into something incredibly badass. It's like the opposite of a Uwe Boll flick.
Things are ok. Most of my IRL friends have gone into hermitage; don't even want to play video games. I wish I could blow money on game service I don't use like that.
Somebody brought boxes of red velvet doughnuts to work last week. o.O Damn things were...suggestive. Think actual raw-flesh-colored doughnuts. And yes, some came with frosting.
Damn I actually typed that last sentence.
Did not eat the damn things, though.
Also been tearing my way through Final Fantasy V. The bad guy is a tree (!) and the good guys are freaking morons. The plot feels like somebody decided to stick a Power Rangers plot into Final Fantasy. I love every minute of it anyway. I don't think I've ever run into anything else where characters commute via frickin' meteors! Maybe the Tunguska Event was really some dumbass from Mars taking a wrong turn trying to get to Europa. Same thing with what killed the dinosaurs.
Well damn, We just made stupidity into something incredibly badass. It's like the opposite of a Uwe Boll flick.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Attack of The War Plushies
Blarg!
It's been a rough (but not horrible) few days. I should finally be over the hump soon, at least.
Been tearing about in various games, with an emphasis on Diablo III and Final Fantasy V.
A highlight of current Diablo escapades was dealing with a huge mob of teddy bears that had the Molten and Mortar traits. It was fairly fun. actually, like letting the Small Soldiers from back in the day arm a pack of Beanie Babies. They're still not as scary as old-school Care Bears, though. Those crazies tore about and flashed people to death with weaponized good feelings and stuff. Taste the Rainbow, motherfucker!
Nor are they as hardcore as modern ponies.
>>
<<
I admit nothing.
Also, a bit more RPG = WTF in my life. Spoilers: The Big Bad in FFV is a scary Vader wanna be that's actually a damn tree. The Dwarves were right, the trees want to kill us all. Time to break out the flannels and chainsaws.
Screw modern JRPG bishie bullshit, Old Wan Willow as a Sith Lord is just damn awesome.
It's been a rough (but not horrible) few days. I should finally be over the hump soon, at least.
Been tearing about in various games, with an emphasis on Diablo III and Final Fantasy V.
A highlight of current Diablo escapades was dealing with a huge mob of teddy bears that had the Molten and Mortar traits. It was fairly fun. actually, like letting the Small Soldiers from back in the day arm a pack of Beanie Babies. They're still not as scary as old-school Care Bears, though. Those crazies tore about and flashed people to death with weaponized good feelings and stuff. Taste the Rainbow, motherfucker!
Nor are they as hardcore as modern ponies.
>>
<<
I admit nothing.
Also, a bit more RPG = WTF in my life. Spoilers: The Big Bad in FFV is a scary Vader wanna be that's actually a damn tree. The Dwarves were right, the trees want to kill us all. Time to break out the flannels and chainsaws.
Screw modern JRPG bishie bullshit, Old Wan Willow as a Sith Lord is just damn awesome.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Random Insane Idea
Blarg to the spambots!
I've been mostly going to work and loafing about. Came up with this horrible concept talking about canned tuna.
The whole idea is that the poor little tuna wind up in a cross between The Little Mermaid and Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. Instead of Mola Rom we have the Gordon Fisherman giving gory sacrifices to a giant Big Daddy Statue. Really crazy shit like chaining Dory to an anchor and ripping out swim bladders. While poor saps swing upwards to Bieber music, the removed organ starts bubbling. The day is saved when somebody brings in some drunk Angler Fish and scares the shit out of everybody.
Godammit, I think I just made a pitch for a Uwe Boll animated film.
I've been mostly going to work and loafing about. Came up with this horrible concept talking about canned tuna.
The whole idea is that the poor little tuna wind up in a cross between The Little Mermaid and Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. Instead of Mola Rom we have the Gordon Fisherman giving gory sacrifices to a giant Big Daddy Statue. Really crazy shit like chaining Dory to an anchor and ripping out swim bladders. While poor saps swing upwards to Bieber music, the removed organ starts bubbling. The day is saved when somebody brings in some drunk Angler Fish and scares the shit out of everybody.
Godammit, I think I just made a pitch for a Uwe Boll animated film.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Beware, I Live!
Gwahaha! You spambots thought you were rid of me! >:D
Been busy with the holiday drama at work. The customers have been decidedly more pleasant this time around, even accounting for the fact that I don't get to play with a chainsaw and slaughter trees in public. There are a few idiots in the bunch. Note to our customers: We are not Amazon, we are not Overstock dot com. There are things on the website that we do not have in physical stores. Spew your petulance at management; that's what they're paid for.
Been avoiding the XBox, mostly since I don't feel like being all social right now between shifts. No offence to my online buddies. You don't deserve work-induced vitriol, and all I really want to do is smash evil and set fire to their fortress. This phase will pass. The clarion call of trundling death has finally breached the miasma of meh I have going right now.
It got me thinking. I've done a good deal more smashing this year, and I want to share my thoughts. I believe that I've played more hours overall in the past two years than most of my post-teen life, as well as the most varied overall games.
Borderlands 2. Get off my plane and everybody gets a bullet. Honestly, shooters have never really enticed me until this came along. My brother loves the first two Medal of Honor games, and I have good memories of Battlefront 2 and Goldeneye from back in the day. But this monster lured me into something I never expected: pouring ridiculous amount of time and energy into lobbing almost enough dakka against advancing hordes of random sociopaths. The loot and leveling systems actually made me look forward to mashing right trigger and pwning bastitches like a boss. WE LOVE YOU MARCUS!
Star Ocean: The Last Hope. Dammit, Square Enix actually did it to me again. I think I an in the tiny minority that actually likes this damn game. The protagonist is the biggest whiny bitch this side of Advent Children Cloud for a good part of the game. The battles are badly unbalanced in one way or another. The soundtrack su-huh-ucks! But it's just plain fun somehow. Welcome to a JRPG where a paladin archetype doesn't suck mechanically. Welcome to a place where you can hang out with the anime cliche/fetish of your choice, and it works. Welcome to Bacchus D-79, a space elf Robocop that can summon killsats, mecha, and frickin BLACK HOLES. No Welcome to Sarah, though. You deserve to be left in ignominy forever, the only escape from which involves a vore furry dressed up like Bubsy.
Skyrim. Holy shit is this awesome. Tearing about being Nordic on my undead horse that is surprisingly nice and well-behaved. Killing random moronsand stripping their corpses bare as a warning to other tards. Going through dank dungeons toight undead viking wizards with Jedi powers! The only fit music for those fights is produced by Manowar, Setting the undead viking ninja wizards on fire with a sun-powered sword of +1138 Undead Ignition known as Dawnbreaker. Punching angry grizzly bears to death like a boss. Smashing dragons is fun, but somebody else did it better. I put this game down for the next two, but I will come back eventually, to snag the the +9001 Bow of Summoning Anti-Undead Killsats and kill a Dracula Wannabe.
World of Tanks. Wow, a freemium game I like and want to play. Tearing about in a WWII tank, making other tanks miserable, and building a stable of vehicles that would make the Top Gear guys go crazy (well, crazier). Showing people that Hetzers gonna Hetz, and that ramming stuff with a Stuart makes for hilarity. I've thrown way too much money at this thing, plus it;s a online game that makes me actually want to play with strangers. CoD can join Sarah.
Diablo 3. I. Don't. CARE. What other people say. This shit's awesomesauce. Another genre entry-drug for me. I've now discovered hack-and-slash RPG goodness, and it is beautiful. Whether it's smashing faces with a barbarian, going ninja crazytown with a monk, or bringing the dakka with a demon hunter, it just doesn't get old in Vanilla. Then frickin Reaper of Souls came, with more mooks to smash, an angel with a frickin Holy Avenger Rocket Launcher with a altfire Keen Vorpal Flamethower, and the Crusader. Holy crap. My build for this guy involves hammers. Lots of hammers. Enough hammers to run a thousand hardware stores. Oh, and the Crusader/Templar bromance is funny as hell and strangely endearing. Let's Smite Something Together.
Well, I need to go, I'm getting incoherent.
Been busy with the holiday drama at work. The customers have been decidedly more pleasant this time around, even accounting for the fact that I don't get to play with a chainsaw and slaughter trees in public. There are a few idiots in the bunch. Note to our customers: We are not Amazon, we are not Overstock dot com. There are things on the website that we do not have in physical stores. Spew your petulance at management; that's what they're paid for.
Been avoiding the XBox, mostly since I don't feel like being all social right now between shifts. No offence to my online buddies. You don't deserve work-induced vitriol, and all I really want to do is smash evil and set fire to their fortress. This phase will pass. The clarion call of trundling death has finally breached the miasma of meh I have going right now.
It got me thinking. I've done a good deal more smashing this year, and I want to share my thoughts. I believe that I've played more hours overall in the past two years than most of my post-teen life, as well as the most varied overall games.
Borderlands 2. Get off my plane and everybody gets a bullet. Honestly, shooters have never really enticed me until this came along. My brother loves the first two Medal of Honor games, and I have good memories of Battlefront 2 and Goldeneye from back in the day. But this monster lured me into something I never expected: pouring ridiculous amount of time and energy into lobbing almost enough dakka against advancing hordes of random sociopaths. The loot and leveling systems actually made me look forward to mashing right trigger and pwning bastitches like a boss. WE LOVE YOU MARCUS!
Star Ocean: The Last Hope. Dammit, Square Enix actually did it to me again. I think I an in the tiny minority that actually likes this damn game. The protagonist is the biggest whiny bitch this side of Advent Children Cloud for a good part of the game. The battles are badly unbalanced in one way or another. The soundtrack su-huh-ucks! But it's just plain fun somehow. Welcome to a JRPG where a paladin archetype doesn't suck mechanically. Welcome to a place where you can hang out with the anime cliche/fetish of your choice, and it works. Welcome to Bacchus D-79, a space elf Robocop that can summon killsats, mecha, and frickin BLACK HOLES. No Welcome to Sarah, though. You deserve to be left in ignominy forever, the only escape from which involves a vore furry dressed up like Bubsy.
Skyrim. Holy shit is this awesome. Tearing about being Nordic on my undead horse that is surprisingly nice and well-behaved. Killing random moronsand stripping their corpses bare as a warning to other tards. Going through dank dungeons toight undead viking wizards with Jedi powers! The only fit music for those fights is produced by Manowar, Setting the undead viking ninja wizards on fire with a sun-powered sword of +1138 Undead Ignition known as Dawnbreaker. Punching angry grizzly bears to death like a boss. Smashing dragons is fun, but somebody else did it better. I put this game down for the next two, but I will come back eventually, to snag the the +9001 Bow of Summoning Anti-Undead Killsats and kill a Dracula Wannabe.
World of Tanks. Wow, a freemium game I like and want to play. Tearing about in a WWII tank, making other tanks miserable, and building a stable of vehicles that would make the Top Gear guys go crazy (well, crazier). Showing people that Hetzers gonna Hetz, and that ramming stuff with a Stuart makes for hilarity. I've thrown way too much money at this thing, plus it;s a online game that makes me actually want to play with strangers. CoD can join Sarah.
Diablo 3. I. Don't. CARE. What other people say. This shit's awesomesauce. Another genre entry-drug for me. I've now discovered hack-and-slash RPG goodness, and it is beautiful. Whether it's smashing faces with a barbarian, going ninja crazytown with a monk, or bringing the dakka with a demon hunter, it just doesn't get old in Vanilla. Then frickin Reaper of Souls came, with more mooks to smash, an angel with a frickin Holy Avenger Rocket Launcher with a altfire Keen Vorpal Flamethower, and the Crusader. Holy crap. My build for this guy involves hammers. Lots of hammers. Enough hammers to run a thousand hardware stores. Oh, and the Crusader/Templar bromance is funny as hell and strangely endearing. Let's Smite Something Together.
Well, I need to go, I'm getting incoherent.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Task Force Aflac
Blarg and Hail to the Spambots that "read" my yammerings.
The French tank line for World of Tanks is now out. The consensus that they look so much like ducks that Wargaming really should hire Gilbert Godfrey to do the voice messages. Prick or not, it really fits.
I've decided that I do like the new Ops system they got going, however. Getting little goodies for actually playing the game helps keeps things fresh. MOAR BITZ PLZ!
I've also been tearing about, working on some kooky concepts. Some of the highlights include catapults that lob rocket powered grizzy bears at things I don't like, and a old wonko idea my old boss had, basically a home improvement store run by barbarians. Crazy shit like orientation for new hires is that death mill scene from the first Conan movie, forklifts are powered by Brahma bulls. Maybe some other stuff like instead of the usual DYI demos, you get things like the plumbing people showing the best way to kill stuff with an iron pipe, the lumber guys showing how to make an instant wood fort of doom, and hardware uses drills as trophy pikes. Watch them heads spin! Oh and instead of being tossed out, problem customers are ritually flung into a pit filled with angry Pomeranians. Very slow, fuzzy, and yappy demise.
Yeah, I need to go away for now.
The French tank line for World of Tanks is now out. The consensus that they look so much like ducks that Wargaming really should hire Gilbert Godfrey to do the voice messages. Prick or not, it really fits.
I've decided that I do like the new Ops system they got going, however. Getting little goodies for actually playing the game helps keeps things fresh. MOAR BITZ PLZ!
I've also been tearing about, working on some kooky concepts. Some of the highlights include catapults that lob rocket powered grizzy bears at things I don't like, and a old wonko idea my old boss had, basically a home improvement store run by barbarians. Crazy shit like orientation for new hires is that death mill scene from the first Conan movie, forklifts are powered by Brahma bulls. Maybe some other stuff like instead of the usual DYI demos, you get things like the plumbing people showing the best way to kill stuff with an iron pipe, the lumber guys showing how to make an instant wood fort of doom, and hardware uses drills as trophy pikes. Watch them heads spin! Oh and instead of being tossed out, problem customers are ritually flung into a pit filled with angry Pomeranians. Very slow, fuzzy, and yappy demise.
Yeah, I need to go away for now.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Attention Trekkies!
This guy has declared that gagh is for pansies!
http://oskarpannier.com/en/monster-meal/
These guys eat land-roving electric eels.
Also check out the other comics here, this crap is the beast kind of nerdy funny: Nerdy, funny
truth.
In more zany news, I have an inexplicable urge to construct and use a catapult that lobs angry honey badgers at stuff. Also, RPG. Rocket Powered Grizzlies.
The Call of The Wild Ordnance.
http://oskarpannier.com/en/monster-meal/
These guys eat land-roving electric eels.
Also check out the other comics here, this crap is the beast kind of nerdy funny: Nerdy, funny
truth.
In more zany news, I have an inexplicable urge to construct and use a catapult that lobs angry honey badgers at stuff. Also, RPG. Rocket Powered Grizzlies.
The Call of The Wild Ordnance.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Random Horrible Idea
The gist of it is this: Random scenes of carnage and lootiful lootiful shinies dropping from all sorts of lootiful games, with this as the background song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_wFEB4Oxlo
Salvador laying waste to midgets, demons exploding into goodies, somebody shouting Draugr to death, The Warrior exploding into guns everywhere, somebody getting stabbed by a Tonberry, the Badassasaurus tearing around, more shinies spraying everywhere. You get the idea, I presume.
NOTE: I don't own the above video, but you just have to hear it to get the idea.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_wFEB4Oxlo
Salvador laying waste to midgets, demons exploding into goodies, somebody shouting Draugr to death, The Warrior exploding into guns everywhere, somebody getting stabbed by a Tonberry, the Badassasaurus tearing around, more shinies spraying everywhere. You get the idea, I presume.
NOTE: I don't own the above video, but you just have to hear it to get the idea.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Brain Barf
So here we are again...
Still tearing about in Diablo III. My Crusader has proven to endure like a boss, vindicating my giving him the name Tankred. In funnier news, I wound up with a Puzzle Ring that didn't have horrible stats, so now my big grim do-gooder is being followed around by his loyal treasure goblin, Giggles McLootsalot.
A funny glitch happened, too. I was tearing around a graveyard, laying waste to zombies. One of the shambling dead got a hilariously funky death animation, where his head and body went in different directions, but the neck remained intact, resulting in a corpse with a neck at least 20-25 feet long slapping up against a wall. That's right, the Nephalem just kicked the shit out of an undead Mr. Fantastic.
Some quiet insanity has been percolating in my head, mostly with some of the weirder, darker bits, in mind. Even in a setting grim enough to warrant comparison to 40k (including massive pauldrons as a status symbol), who in their right mind makes a huge boiler room cavern thing full of bones from all sorts of creatures underneath their city? That is not how fossil fuel works. And why?
In less funny, but no less mockery, I read an old issue if Game Informer I had at work. This was from the glorious period where they had a damn sense of humor, and the funniest geek captions. One article was about the then-new release of the 360 version of World of Tanks. The guy writing it gave off this whole vibe of passive-aggressive apathy, whining about how dated the graphics work, but you got a chance to have "nuanced" shootouts. then he proceeded to prove a complete lack of fact-checking, misspelling the M3 Stuart and referencing a "German UC 2-pdr." The UC 2-pdr is a British vehicle. Both of these mistakes were in the same damned sentence.
But hell, the loser snidely stated he didn't care about the historical side at all, despite the simple fact that in-game, there isn't exactly a mountain of lore or even a database to root through. Almost everything is historically based, but to get more that a short blurb, you have to actually research things in the real world. Everything he said amounted to what felt like a bizarre hipster-esque complaint that he couldn't have killstreaks and teabaggings, so it didn't belong on consoles at all. Just not vapid enough for him, I guess. Thank God that it was not a full review with a score, and that nobody listened anyway, from the way things went for the game afterward.
Oh, and he whined about the kiddies getting on the mikes and using their paltry profanity prowess to cover their immaturity like it was specifically endemic to World of Tanks. Idiot.
The lesson here, kiddies, is that if you don't like a game, say you don't like it. There's plenty of games out there I've played and filled with indifference, some with even outright loathing; but I was intelligent about my criticism. Acting like an egocentric, self-important twit with a spoiled sense of entitlement and "I'm too smart for this crap, my audience is a bunch of morons" simply because you either didn't like something or felt like half-assing a job is something best left in the pits of Facebook and 4chan.
The sad part is that current GI issues are all pretty much nothing but this...bizarre mess. It's like a glimpse into an alternate universe were Yahtzee isn't allowed to swear like an angry sailor and stuck doing free-verse at nighttime coffee joints. All the honest hostility has been replaced with passive-aggressive hipster cattiness.
Not that us Philistines would get what they're whining about. Also, Philistines were actually a helluva lot more advanced than most people realized, so nyah.
Still tearing about in Diablo III. My Crusader has proven to endure like a boss, vindicating my giving him the name Tankred. In funnier news, I wound up with a Puzzle Ring that didn't have horrible stats, so now my big grim do-gooder is being followed around by his loyal treasure goblin, Giggles McLootsalot.
A funny glitch happened, too. I was tearing around a graveyard, laying waste to zombies. One of the shambling dead got a hilariously funky death animation, where his head and body went in different directions, but the neck remained intact, resulting in a corpse with a neck at least 20-25 feet long slapping up against a wall. That's right, the Nephalem just kicked the shit out of an undead Mr. Fantastic.
Some quiet insanity has been percolating in my head, mostly with some of the weirder, darker bits, in mind. Even in a setting grim enough to warrant comparison to 40k (including massive pauldrons as a status symbol), who in their right mind makes a huge boiler room cavern thing full of bones from all sorts of creatures underneath their city? That is not how fossil fuel works. And why?
In less funny, but no less mockery, I read an old issue if Game Informer I had at work. This was from the glorious period where they had a damn sense of humor, and the funniest geek captions. One article was about the then-new release of the 360 version of World of Tanks. The guy writing it gave off this whole vibe of passive-aggressive apathy, whining about how dated the graphics work, but you got a chance to have "nuanced" shootouts. then he proceeded to prove a complete lack of fact-checking, misspelling the M3 Stuart and referencing a "German UC 2-pdr." The UC 2-pdr is a British vehicle. Both of these mistakes were in the same damned sentence.
But hell, the loser snidely stated he didn't care about the historical side at all, despite the simple fact that in-game, there isn't exactly a mountain of lore or even a database to root through. Almost everything is historically based, but to get more that a short blurb, you have to actually research things in the real world. Everything he said amounted to what felt like a bizarre hipster-esque complaint that he couldn't have killstreaks and teabaggings, so it didn't belong on consoles at all. Just not vapid enough for him, I guess. Thank God that it was not a full review with a score, and that nobody listened anyway, from the way things went for the game afterward.
Oh, and he whined about the kiddies getting on the mikes and using their paltry profanity prowess to cover their immaturity like it was specifically endemic to World of Tanks. Idiot.
The lesson here, kiddies, is that if you don't like a game, say you don't like it. There's plenty of games out there I've played and filled with indifference, some with even outright loathing; but I was intelligent about my criticism. Acting like an egocentric, self-important twit with a spoiled sense of entitlement and "I'm too smart for this crap, my audience is a bunch of morons" simply because you either didn't like something or felt like half-assing a job is something best left in the pits of Facebook and 4chan.
The sad part is that current GI issues are all pretty much nothing but this...bizarre mess. It's like a glimpse into an alternate universe were Yahtzee isn't allowed to swear like an angry sailor and stuck doing free-verse at nighttime coffee joints. All the honest hostility has been replaced with passive-aggressive hipster cattiness.
Not that us Philistines would get what they're whining about. Also, Philistines were actually a helluva lot more advanced than most people realized, so nyah.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Shiny Shiny Bitz
Hello again!
Been cheerfully tearing about on Diablo III again, since I went and nabbed Ultimate Evil Edition. When I stopped playing the vanilla version, I mostly figured I'd never really see better drops without hours upon hours of grinding away.
I was wrong.
Holy crap, did they ramp up the goodies in this thing. It's become an idyllic Fruitopia, rich in kickass stuff, and not-suck-ities. (Aside, autocorrect recognizes Fruitopia.) They add ridiculous extra difficulty levels, with tangibly better drop rates, and then made it so you see more bitz once you max out a character. Then they added random raid mechanics to get more bitz, then they added even more legendary stuff so you can have MOAR BITZ!!!1!one!
The forces of badness got a bit deeper, too, with a whole new subset of freaks known as Reapers. Since my dudes aren't a sheaf of wheat, the reapers got sow reaped they wish they not sow reaped. Bastards can go and reap some goats, far as my dudes are concerned. Wretched little goat reapers.
I plan to keep on with the mindless dungeon crawling for a while, and start working my way through with a Crusader (who looks so much like the Black Templar character from Damnation Crusade that he probably endures like a boss). My only real gripe is apparently a crafting system in place that got a lot deeper, then got kinda shallower soon thereafter. The crux is that they came up with oodles of unique crafting materials for legendary goodies, then decided to remove these things and simplify the recipes overall. I wouldn't care so much if the damn things didn't still drop. Now my inner crafting addict is getting all annoyed that there is cool stuff to make things with, but you can't make things with them.
Well, that just calls for that old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't have sex with a unicorn.
Been cheerfully tearing about on Diablo III again, since I went and nabbed Ultimate Evil Edition. When I stopped playing the vanilla version, I mostly figured I'd never really see better drops without hours upon hours of grinding away.
I was wrong.
Holy crap, did they ramp up the goodies in this thing. It's become an idyllic Fruitopia, rich in kickass stuff, and not-suck-ities. (Aside, autocorrect recognizes Fruitopia.) They add ridiculous extra difficulty levels, with tangibly better drop rates, and then made it so you see more bitz once you max out a character. Then they added random raid mechanics to get more bitz, then they added even more legendary stuff so you can have MOAR BITZ!!!1!one!
The forces of badness got a bit deeper, too, with a whole new subset of freaks known as Reapers. Since my dudes aren't a sheaf of wheat, the reapers got sow reaped they wish they not sow reaped. Bastards can go and reap some goats, far as my dudes are concerned. Wretched little goat reapers.
I plan to keep on with the mindless dungeon crawling for a while, and start working my way through with a Crusader (who looks so much like the Black Templar character from Damnation Crusade that he probably endures like a boss). My only real gripe is apparently a crafting system in place that got a lot deeper, then got kinda shallower soon thereafter. The crux is that they came up with oodles of unique crafting materials for legendary goodies, then decided to remove these things and simplify the recipes overall. I wouldn't care so much if the damn things didn't still drop. Now my inner crafting addict is getting all annoyed that there is cool stuff to make things with, but you can't make things with them.
Well, that just calls for that old saying: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't have sex with a unicorn.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Brain Barf: RPG = WTF
Grargalarg to the spambots.
Been tearing about in various games, mostly that Rim Sky thing.
Starting thinking about things and came up with something I doubt is original, but wanted to say anyway: RPG backgrounds are frickin' weird.
Do not get me wrong; I'm pretty hardcore in my addiction to the vidya game monster mashing and looting. It's just that, well, I've also been doing this for-frickin'-ever.
Take the Elder Scrolls games. The least bizarre thing is that the local furries are all crack heads. Its so pervasive I'm amazed "WillYiff4Skooma" isn't a meme. Maybe I should fix that.
Those moons? The corpse of a god. By the way, from what I gather about the lore, there's a third black moon out there. Totally not a Dragonlance reference. Also when the three are aligned properly, its extremely significant to the cat-folk. That's the plot of a whole damn Dragonlance book, damn it.
And these are tame compared to some of the other crap in there. Celtic Zulu with plant hearts. A god whose background reads like what would happen if the Kama Sutra became a religious text. Artificial gods made from mech-sized golems that break time over their knees.
Like, damn man.
It got me thinking. Other RPGs are usually no slouches in the bizarre department either.
Take Chrono Cross. We start with the primary (but largely ignored and all but unexplained) antagonist being a fusion of a giant space termite thing and a princess. It manages to manipulate all of space and time within the game world, creating two primary antagonist factions. The first is a supercomputer and it minions from the future, set adrift in the past and watching over the descendants of their creators, using what amounts to hypnotherapy and eugenics to get its way. The second, somewhat nastier bunch, is a city of dinosaur-descended reptile folk ripped from an alternate universe by the planet itself as a counter. Highlights include these elemental golem...doll...things, and a biocomputer that is an embodiment of all the local magical elements and happens to be a dragon with some sort of jewel laser mouth cannon. Oh, and after an apocalyptic battle with the first bunch, the biocomputer was fractured into seven dragon gods; three in one universe, three in another, and the seventh set adrift to screw around with main characters.
All this nuttiness is compounded by nobody bothering to explain this crap until the two final dungeons of the game! This was right when Square was in the middle of there hipster-esque "minimal explanation means maximum profundity" phase.
This is only two examples out of the many, many RPGs out there.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not some dullard that only goes for smash-and-grab, screw-the-plot antics. I love having complex stories and interesting backgrounds. There's a reason I own stuff like Tactics Ogre, Atelier Iris 1-3 (not at straightforward as they seem, trust me), multiple SaGa games, and so on and so on. But sometimes, I really don't get why game writers seem to come up with stuff that requires enough hits to buzz a Grateful Dead concert to actually figure out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find something uncomplicated to do for a while.
Been tearing about in various games, mostly that Rim Sky thing.
Starting thinking about things and came up with something I doubt is original, but wanted to say anyway: RPG backgrounds are frickin' weird.
Do not get me wrong; I'm pretty hardcore in my addiction to the vidya game monster mashing and looting. It's just that, well, I've also been doing this for-frickin'-ever.
Take the Elder Scrolls games. The least bizarre thing is that the local furries are all crack heads. Its so pervasive I'm amazed "WillYiff4Skooma" isn't a meme. Maybe I should fix that.
Those moons? The corpse of a god. By the way, from what I gather about the lore, there's a third black moon out there. Totally not a Dragonlance reference. Also when the three are aligned properly, its extremely significant to the cat-folk. That's the plot of a whole damn Dragonlance book, damn it.
And these are tame compared to some of the other crap in there. Celtic Zulu with plant hearts. A god whose background reads like what would happen if the Kama Sutra became a religious text. Artificial gods made from mech-sized golems that break time over their knees.
Like, damn man.
It got me thinking. Other RPGs are usually no slouches in the bizarre department either.
Take Chrono Cross. We start with the primary (but largely ignored and all but unexplained) antagonist being a fusion of a giant space termite thing and a princess. It manages to manipulate all of space and time within the game world, creating two primary antagonist factions. The first is a supercomputer and it minions from the future, set adrift in the past and watching over the descendants of their creators, using what amounts to hypnotherapy and eugenics to get its way. The second, somewhat nastier bunch, is a city of dinosaur-descended reptile folk ripped from an alternate universe by the planet itself as a counter. Highlights include these elemental golem...doll...things, and a biocomputer that is an embodiment of all the local magical elements and happens to be a dragon with some sort of jewel laser mouth cannon. Oh, and after an apocalyptic battle with the first bunch, the biocomputer was fractured into seven dragon gods; three in one universe, three in another, and the seventh set adrift to screw around with main characters.
All this nuttiness is compounded by nobody bothering to explain this crap until the two final dungeons of the game! This was right when Square was in the middle of there hipster-esque "minimal explanation means maximum profundity" phase.
This is only two examples out of the many, many RPGs out there.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not some dullard that only goes for smash-and-grab, screw-the-plot antics. I love having complex stories and interesting backgrounds. There's a reason I own stuff like Tactics Ogre, Atelier Iris 1-3 (not at straightforward as they seem, trust me), multiple SaGa games, and so on and so on. But sometimes, I really don't get why game writers seem to come up with stuff that requires enough hits to buzz a Grateful Dead concert to actually figure out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find something uncomplicated to do for a while.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Random Stupid Campaign Idea
So I was having my usual midnight brainbarf random though session and came up with an idea for a game campaign.
The concept revolves around friggin' tooth fairies. The characters are freshly sparkled dentition feys. Whether or not they are actual fairies spliced into d20 modern (or equivalent) or we come up with Borrowers-style antics are irrelevant. The campaign would be more-or-less mission-based, with two primary variants.
The first one would be nabbing kid's teeth and exchanging them for the usual reward. Random ninja-like antics would ensue, making stealth and/or pickpocket checks so you can make the snatch with waking the kids or the parents. More sociopathic (read: most) players would probable come up with crazy-ass schemes involving pliers and keeping the dough. Curbing such tendencies is optional, but child abuse should be met with the usual GM bullshit against freaks anyway.
The second variant would be the various horrible schemes to get the damn quarters to begin with. Relatively pedestrian stuff like raiding soda machines to holding up rest stops, maybe culminating in a climactic Death Star run on an armored car at Six Flags.
The endgame would involve revealing why we need all the teeth: The Dread Lord Bunny of Esternia is about to return, and his only weakness is stuff voluntarily removed from a child's skull for monetary gain. Preferably lauched at high velocity from a 12-gauge. Failure would mean the fairy people must toil for eternity mining for mineral eggs. One internet for guessing where I stole this part of the concept from.
All sorts of looney shit could be tossed in, like factions of tooth fairies competing for the most teeth. Wackjob mad dentists capturing characters for demented purposes like Cthulu-esque rituals to invoke the Dread Lord Bunny. Some asshole seeing through the masquerade and dissolving random schmucks to make pixie sticks. Horrible, horrible Tinker Bell-themed nightclubs.
Anyway, this is what was percolating in my head tonight.
The concept revolves around friggin' tooth fairies. The characters are freshly sparkled dentition feys. Whether or not they are actual fairies spliced into d20 modern (or equivalent) or we come up with Borrowers-style antics are irrelevant. The campaign would be more-or-less mission-based, with two primary variants.
The first one would be nabbing kid's teeth and exchanging them for the usual reward. Random ninja-like antics would ensue, making stealth and/or pickpocket checks so you can make the snatch with waking the kids or the parents. More sociopathic (read: most) players would probable come up with crazy-ass schemes involving pliers and keeping the dough. Curbing such tendencies is optional, but child abuse should be met with the usual GM bullshit against freaks anyway.
The second variant would be the various horrible schemes to get the damn quarters to begin with. Relatively pedestrian stuff like raiding soda machines to holding up rest stops, maybe culminating in a climactic Death Star run on an armored car at Six Flags.
The endgame would involve revealing why we need all the teeth: The Dread Lord Bunny of Esternia is about to return, and his only weakness is stuff voluntarily removed from a child's skull for monetary gain. Preferably lauched at high velocity from a 12-gauge. Failure would mean the fairy people must toil for eternity mining for mineral eggs. One internet for guessing where I stole this part of the concept from.
All sorts of looney shit could be tossed in, like factions of tooth fairies competing for the most teeth. Wackjob mad dentists capturing characters for demented purposes like Cthulu-esque rituals to invoke the Dread Lord Bunny. Some asshole seeing through the masquerade and dissolving random schmucks to make pixie sticks. Horrible, horrible Tinker Bell-themed nightclubs.
Anyway, this is what was percolating in my head tonight.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Live Oaks is Bad, And WG Should Feel Bad
I hate that damn map. Dying with a face full of soggy wood does not make my day.
Been quietly considering getting back into 40k. Some of those models look damn sweet, and to hell with the damn rules anyway. The Dark Blood Templar Wolf-Smurfs will probably be back in action soon. Deathwing Knights FTW!
Skyrim is going very well. I no longer live in fear of bandit chiefs, while most everything else stopped being a threat long ago. Looting dwarven ruins is still an absolute hoot, though. Legate Wulfe the Unhinged is happily making those damn Gollum wannabes snarl for their mama and turning robots into shiny shiny bitz for the bitz can. Windstad Manor AKA The Swag Shack, is finally fully operational, with materials kindly donated by idiotic bandits and the dumbest giants this side of New York. The process had been accelerated greatly thanks to that guy in Morthal and the respawning vampire menace nearby. Now if I could just get some damn general merchants or fences to move closer.
Oh, and they handed me explosive crossbow bolts. Run my shiny chunks of XP, RUN!
Been quietly considering getting back into 40k. Some of those models look damn sweet, and to hell with the damn rules anyway. The Dark Blood Templar Wolf-Smurfs will probably be back in action soon. Deathwing Knights FTW!
Skyrim is going very well. I no longer live in fear of bandit chiefs, while most everything else stopped being a threat long ago. Looting dwarven ruins is still an absolute hoot, though. Legate Wulfe the Unhinged is happily making those damn Gollum wannabes snarl for their mama and turning robots into shiny shiny bitz for the bitz can. Windstad Manor AKA The Swag Shack, is finally fully operational, with materials kindly donated by idiotic bandits and the dumbest giants this side of New York. The process had been accelerated greatly thanks to that guy in Morthal and the respawning vampire menace nearby. Now if I could just get some damn general merchants or fences to move closer.
Oh, and they handed me explosive crossbow bolts. Run my shiny chunks of XP, RUN!
Original Thinking
It doesn't happen much anymore.
Another tale of Legate Wulfe The Unhinged came today. Did the Malacath daedric quest more or less for the hell of it. Wound up at this stronghold of Klingons--wait, Orcs getting ganked by a giant. Apparently the chieftain,Gowron Yamarz managed to displease Kahless Malacath. He was summoned by the Monks of Boreth Atub and told the guy to man up. After some oddly manly whining, he got squished by a different giant and I wound up with the Sword of Kahless Volendrung, which looked kinda Khorne-ey.
I also digged up some info on the Dark Brotherhood quests. You get to wear a chef's hat. Behold as the Dragonborn tears about with the fearsome shout BOY AR DEE, that smothers his foes in canned ravioli and BORK BORK BORK which summons deadly ethereal chocolate mooses. And finally CHEF RAM ZEY, that doesn't do much but intimidate anybody within 50 meters of a cooking pot.
Also, burninating trolls never gets old.
Another tale of Legate Wulfe The Unhinged came today. Did the Malacath daedric quest more or less for the hell of it. Wound up at this stronghold of Klingons--wait, Orcs getting ganked by a giant. Apparently the chieftain,
I also digged up some info on the Dark Brotherhood quests. You get to wear a chef's hat. Behold as the Dragonborn tears about with the fearsome shout BOY AR DEE, that smothers his foes in canned ravioli and BORK BORK BORK which summons deadly ethereal chocolate mooses. And finally CHEF RAM ZEY, that doesn't do much but intimidate anybody within 50 meters of a cooking pot.
Also, burninating trolls never gets old.
Friday, August 29, 2014
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie...
Clear your browser cache, dumbass.
Anyway, been tearing about with the new tanks in WoT. Came up with a funny concept.
Battlebrix, new from Hasbro. Look in wonder as mighty heroes and vile villains struggle to reach speeds of THREE! Gaze in awe while they pour milk on fresh fired shells and proceed to munch! Behold in reverence as they throw tracks like a boss!
We could have special sets like the Churchill Brothers that guzzle tea and be all stiff upper lipped. The Mighty TOG that has special steamtroller powers. Make them mooks go squish! These guys could even have limited runs painted in blue and including free jelly babies.
Then things like D.W. that delivers pain in 30 minutes or less or your money back! King Tiger, the first tank to attend a Furcon!
Hell even E6-X, with its supreme scare-the-locust-shitless powers.
Battlebrix! Buy them today and watch them squash evil...eventually!
Anyway, been tearing about with the new tanks in WoT. Came up with a funny concept.
Battlebrix, new from Hasbro. Look in wonder as mighty heroes and vile villains struggle to reach speeds of THREE! Gaze in awe while they pour milk on fresh fired shells and proceed to munch! Behold in reverence as they throw tracks like a boss!
We could have special sets like the Churchill Brothers that guzzle tea and be all stiff upper lipped. The Mighty TOG that has special steamtroller powers. Make them mooks go squish! These guys could even have limited runs painted in blue and including free jelly babies.
Then things like D.W. that delivers pain in 30 minutes or less or your money back! King Tiger, the first tank to attend a Furcon!
Hell even E6-X, with its supreme scare-the-locust-shitless powers.
Battlebrix! Buy them today and watch them squash evil...eventually!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
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