Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The DW 2

After extensive research and much exploding, I have come up with an appropriate appellation for the tank in WoT officially known as the Durchbruchswagen 2.  It shall be henceforth known as the Pizza Box. 

The reasons for this are quite simple.  Its armor is made out of high-quality cardboard, and it is well suited for keeping the tankman sausage bits inside nice and toasty when somebody gives it an angry look.

So let it be written.

In other nerdy news, Legate Wulfe the Unhinged is still happily tearing about the countryside.  I'm now expecting a Google search for Draugr to come up with some damn bands; you can't tell me that fighting undead Vikings that can shout Force Push and shoot lightning isn't totally fucking metal.  This is pretty much Manowar the Video Game. 

The whole civil war baloney is total crap, however.  Maybe if some RTS looney made a hack for Total War with the Elder Scrolls it would be done justice.  Lobbing random mooks and redshirts in platoon-sized units (at most) with starter-level gear and no real 'boss' dudes up against a PC that usually combines CQC prowess, magical shenanigans, and frickin' Force Powers does not an epic war make.  The politics and background are interesting, the whole semi-Risk capture the hold thing is nice, but the damn nitty-gritty can be mechanically replicated by a lawnmower simulation.  Go here, mow some bermudagrass.  Go there, tell the boss the bermudagrass is looking kinda shaggy, mow that.  Go there, chase some gophers off, mow more bermudagrass.  Go way over there, mow some more damn bermudagrass and shank the dumbass peddling bags of bermudagrass seed.  Now the fescue empire shall rule over all!

Watching a dragon be all "I'm all scaly and immortal!  Suck it bitches!" at the College of Winterhold was frickin' funny, though.  It was like watching...hell, a random dumbass of your own choosing run up to a pack of Sith Lords and dropping their pants.  Hilarious, but lightning bolts are not comfortable there.

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