Stabbin' Dragons

Been busy at the job business.  I'm surrounded by the biggest collection of complexes this side of the internet, I swear.

I've taken advantage of losing my Xbox Live Gold (or rather, they lost my money because it didn't taste right or something) and wailing on the bonus boss in Dragon's Dogma.  The critter in question is known as the Ur-Dragon, so named because most players go "UUUURRR," and then "splat!" the first time they come across it.  The online version is technically harder, but the only real difference is that it has a ridiculous hit-point pool, and multiple players are wailing on it at any given time.  Unfortunately, being the guy who makes the kill is pretty much a crapshoot.  You can literally pick and play any strategy game by NIS long enough to beat their bonus bosses, and still have not gotten a kill on this beast in an equivalent amount of time.  Play the offline version of the boss to get the achievement, okay?

In any case this game is still very much one of my favorites, and I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to pick up and play again.  Definitely a point in its favor, and I hope we see a true sequel, not some bizarro MMO like the interwebs claim.

I've also heard some news that is already ancient now:  They're finally going to remake Final Fantasy VII.  I'm cautiously excited.  FFVII holds a special nerdy place in my nerdy heart (I actually owned the game before I bought a PS1, which is saying a lot) and I hope things actually go well.  Unfortunately, my auto-snark button got pushed when I head the words "gritty reboot."  Lolwut?
I thought up some ways to make this more "gritty."  Here's a random collection, in no particular order:

1)  Cait Sith is shanked and replaced by Belkar Bitterleaf.
2)  Cloud is voiced by Hugo Weaving.
3)  An option for a Mortal Kombat-like blood effect.  Imagine Omnislash now with patent pending 3-D Gore-O-Rama!
4)  Barret stops talking like Mr. T and acts like  (dammit I forgot his name) that black guy from Expendables.
5)  Trenchcoats.  Public flashing optional.
6)  New Game+ option to have Sephiroth shank other characters including, but not limited to:  Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Sora, Squall, Face McShooty, Wesley Crusher, Chris Pine!Kirk, and Jar Jar Binks.  Also the cast of FFXIII.
7)  Fuck it, give everybody guns!

That's about it, really.  I also really hope they fix the damn Chocobo racing, though.  Preferably with the old shoulder-button cheat still intact.